Mar. 29th, 2011

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So tomorrow will be exactly 30 days of pseudo-homelessness, and also my 24th birthday*. I mean, I'm not homeless-homeless, obviously, I have a bed to sleep in and a reliable internet connection, but I'm half at my dad's and half in my aunt's basement and some of my shit is in the storage unit and some of my shit is in my dad's dining room and some of my shit is in my childhood bedroom and nowhere in my life feels home right now, which isn't really a delightful state of being and is rendering me pretty twitchy and lonely and miserable. I'm half-heartedly job-hunting in Chicago but rapidly finding myself getting entirely overwhelmed by the task at hand and subsequently discouraged. My best and oldest friend seems to be, knock on wood, thisclose to getting a job up in Madison, and if that happens then I may just abandon ship entirely on the Chicago thing and start looking for work up there and get an apartment with her and adopt a cat or two and call it a day, because being in a smaller town with one or two GOOD supports (my favorite cousin also lives there) is starting to sound better than being in a giant fuckoff overwhelming town with a lot of people who I kind of know but feel weird bothering for things.

I want to be the kind of adventurous person who's happy to live life seeing where the wind takes me, but it turns out I'm the kind of badly anxiety-prone person who really just needs to know I have a place of my own waiting for me somewhere at the end of the line.




*Also? Birthdays are not my favorite, really. This is the standard Kelsey-birthday thought sequence for the last few years:
"Oh, huh, I'll be 2_ soon. .... Wait, really? Only 2_? Jesus, that seems younger than I feel. Why is that, and since when? Oh wait, that fucking horrible year I was 21 where everything terrible happened and it felt like 5 years in one. La la." So, minimal enthusiasm. These days birthdays are just the calendar catching up to my brain -- nothing too exciting.

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