![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
May. 18th, 2004
(no subject)
May. 18th, 2004 08:09 pmSubway meal that I didn't eat: $6.08
Hot chocolate apparently made with sour milk: $3.34
Admission to Open Mic Nite because I wasn't playing: $3.00
Leaving Open Mic Nite in tears a half-hour later, realizing that things are never going to be how they were ever again: FUCKING PRICELESS.
yeah, so aside from being completely fucking BROKE now, I'm incredibly godawfully depressed. fun. I showed up at Open Mic, THOUGHT Adam and people I knew would be there, but it didn't turn out that way, and all the people I recognized from when I used to go to open mics didn't recognize and/or ignored me. I wandered around the back of the studio crying for a while before giving up and leaving. Drove home crying and screaming at the top of my lungs and trying to resist the urge to drive off the bluff.
And I don't know why the hell tonight got to me. Partially hormones, I'm guessing. But dammit. There are more relevant reasons, at least, I think. I mean... last summer was really, really awesome. With the open mics, and the socializing and... and I don't know, I actually felt like I had a normal teenager-ish kind of summer (by my standards, at least) for once instead of my usual sitting-at-home-by-myself summer. And I guess I hoped that this summer would maybe be like that too. And I'm so fucking SICK of school, and I guess I kind of hoped that going to the Open Mic tonight would kind of be a... a return to how things were, and a taste of what was to come, and just a nice little -something- to remind me why summer would be worth staying sane for.
So what the hell do I get? ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY NOTHING, except probably food poisoning from the nasty-ass rotting coffee, and a nice little reminder of OH, BY THE WAY, PEOPLE HATE ME.
yeah. tonight fucking sucks.
Hot chocolate apparently made with sour milk: $3.34
Admission to Open Mic Nite because I wasn't playing: $3.00
Leaving Open Mic Nite in tears a half-hour later, realizing that things are never going to be how they were ever again: FUCKING PRICELESS.
yeah, so aside from being completely fucking BROKE now, I'm incredibly godawfully depressed. fun. I showed up at Open Mic, THOUGHT Adam and people I knew would be there, but it didn't turn out that way, and all the people I recognized from when I used to go to open mics didn't recognize and/or ignored me. I wandered around the back of the studio crying for a while before giving up and leaving. Drove home crying and screaming at the top of my lungs and trying to resist the urge to drive off the bluff.
And I don't know why the hell tonight got to me. Partially hormones, I'm guessing. But dammit. There are more relevant reasons, at least, I think. I mean... last summer was really, really awesome. With the open mics, and the socializing and... and I don't know, I actually felt like I had a normal teenager-ish kind of summer (by my standards, at least) for once instead of my usual sitting-at-home-by-myself summer. And I guess I hoped that this summer would maybe be like that too. And I'm so fucking SICK of school, and I guess I kind of hoped that going to the Open Mic tonight would kind of be a... a return to how things were, and a taste of what was to come, and just a nice little -something- to remind me why summer would be worth staying sane for.
So what the hell do I get? ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY NOTHING, except probably food poisoning from the nasty-ass rotting coffee, and a nice little reminder of OH, BY THE WAY, PEOPLE HATE ME.
yeah. tonight fucking sucks.
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}