(no subject)

soooo, today. Ali took me down to Venetian this morning so I could try and figure out what the fuck was going on today... I was unsuccessful but I AM written down as working Thursday through Saturday nights, so I'm just going to do that and not mess with the rest of it. Fucking unorganized bastards.


I honestly don't remember the rest of my day, except that somewhere in there I got horrendously depressed.


Everyone seemed to have something to do tonight except me. I got invited to that Incubus concert but didn't even BOTHER asking if I could go because I figured it would be a no because of the whole driving-to-Chicago-with-random-people-since-I-have-no-car thing, but then I mentioned it to my mother tonight -- too late, of course -- who said I probably would've been able to go and that she would've found a way to get me her car. FUCK. So I could have done that if I hadn't been such a fucking pessimist. And then Ali invited me to go swimming with her and Michelle at Adam's house, but... I feel weird swimming in clothes when it's something planned, and swimsuit = SHOOTING MYSELF IN THE FUCKING HEAD. I mean... I own one, but mehhhhhhhh. no way I'm actually wearing it around people. no one needs or wants to see that. So I could have down THAT but I pretty much just fucked myself over with A) insecurities, and B) being so goddamn fat and ugly.


Yeah. Sorry. Self-indulgent depressive pointless rantings tonight that no one needs to hear. Sorry. I need to just not exist, meh.