(no subject)

so tonight could've been fun and it blew, a lot.

should've driven. i know better than to rely on others to get me home. inevitably shit will start sucking and i will freak out and want to go home and be trappedtrappedtrapped and freak out even more. i bit off all of my fingernails (which i never do) and was crying when i finally got to leave. the ridiculous thing is that nothing specifically bad even happened. just feeling awkward and out of place, but not being able to leave just made it... spiral.

feeling trapped scares me more than anything else in the fucking world.