(no subject)

shit. shit shit.

i know everyone at home who wants to see me is getting sick of these. but fuck.

at the very least i should've come home a night sooner. europe will always be there, and these people won't.

it's just... when you've spent your entire life feeling like you anywhere properly... i walked out of the train station last night and laura's little car pulled up, with her and evette waving wildly and jenny making silly jenny faces out the window at me... and here's this group, who i fit in with, who wants to be around me, and now i'm turning and going and maybe i'll never see them again and if i do it won't be quite the same. and it isn't fucking fair and i hate it.

i suspect something elaborate is being planned for my going-away party on friday, which originally was just "i need to stay up all night to catch my flight, and i want people to stay up with me"... i keep hearing whisperings of cheese trays, and of needing to go to the grocery store to get things.

don't want to do this. fuck.


p.s. look at the weather forecast for stevensville. you will note that this time of year, it's hovering around freezing -- mostly a little below, sometimes a little above. not too bad. the first full day i'm back? 10 degrees. perfectly normal the days either side, but 10 degrees the day i'm back. thanks, weather. i didn't really -need- an additional fuck-you in my welcome home, but at least you're thinking of me.