(no subject)

i'm not feeling a lot of the things that i'm sure i'm supposed to be. it's too much and i've just shut down. i keep hearing i'm meant to let it out, but i can't, it's already so buried. and it all seems useless. no amount of crying is going to change anything, no amount of crying will bring her back, no amount of crying will make it hurt any less for the rest of my life. so why bother?

so behind on everything. i tried to all-nighter but i was too exhausted and now i have 2.5 hours to write a paper and read a book. and i'm still not done with first week readings for my religion class, but that's being ignored for the time being.

i put in my two weeks' notice at meijer on sunday. it was too much to juggle before i needed more time to go home.

i should be mourning or working, but all i want to do is be with friends and not think.