(no subject)

Went for a walk today. I love fall -- the weather, the clothes, the colors. Something about it feels right to me in a way other seasons don't. I managed to spend some time in my head without everything being awful, too, which was a nice change.

I cannot believe I didn't do this medication thing sooner. I have wasted so, so, so many of the last who knows how many years being miserable, and thinking it was something I could fix with enough willpower, and hating myself all the more when that didn't work.

And a lot of things are still wrong. I don't know where I'm going or how I'm going to get there or where I want to be or what I want to do. I have a whole lot of shit to figure out. But I feel more myself, more comfortable in my own skin, than I have in an exceptionally long time. And that's a feeling I didn't even know I was capable for any prolonged period of time anymore. So yeah.