(no subject)

[numberoneblind]

yeah fuck everything. they were pruning down the trainees - not by much, and i got cut, due to personality conflict with the trainer because i learn by asking lots of questions, so fucking sue me. a part of me is trying to gain satisfaction by the fact that the person they left in my place has no idea how to use the databases and will be about a billion times more useless than me, but it's a pretty fucking hollow victory seeing as i am the jobless one.

i interviewed today for a shitty grocery store job, which i will probably get. i should be happy that i kind of have a solution but i'm too busy being crushed and numb. i really was excited for this job. i found it interesting in a maybe-this-is-a-field-i-want-to-consider-going-into way, and now i'm out. and i really did try to cut back on the stuff that was pissing them off, but obviously i failed.

i want to curl up and die somewhere, basically. absolutely nothing is going right from me since i've been back in the states. i want to know where the hell i went wrong with my life. i did at least get to go out tonight but now i'm back alone with my brain and everything is awful again.

i don't know what to do. i don't know how to reverse this trend. i feel completely and utterly hopeless.

fuck.