(no subject)

[numberoneblind]

so yeah. Christmas. it kind of really sucked ass. I got some shoes that didn't fit, some accessories for my iPod that don't work, some really ugly clothing that made me look even more horrendous than usual... yeah, merry fucking Christmas to me.


and it bothered me that not getting good presents bothered me, and then it bothered me more that THAT bothered me, so yeah, just a happy little spiral of depression today. I think I even had a better Christmas the year that I was puking every two hours. At least then I got to sleep the rest of the time and not go visit my stupid relatives.


all I know is that I don't think that curled up and wanting to die for a good 3 hours is really how christmas morning is meant to be spent. ...is it?


I just... I wasn't excited about Christmas anyway, and I was already kind of depressed, but it was like, well, at least I'll get some nice STUFF to semi-make-up for it. but no. so... bleh.


goddamnit. I am insanely lonely. I need to hang out with friends or something but bleh, I hate calling people, I always feel so intrusive. if anyone wanted my lousy company they'd just call me, I guess. meh.