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Jun. 13th, 2004 12:51 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
numberoneblindbefore i got home i'd been planning to talk about how tonight was pretty fun... but now, i can't even BEGIN to describe how much tonight FUCKING SUCKS.
yeah. i totaled my car. and i was at fault.
stupid stupid stupid stupid STUPID. i was tired and not paying attention, and i went to turn onto my street without looking for opposing traffic, and i hit some guy on Glenlord. his car's banged up a bit but it's not so bad, i got it right on a front corner so it's mostly damaged appaearance-wise. my car, my baby... is fucked. entire front end is smashed in, there was oil and transmission fluid all over the road. maybe it would be fixable but it WAS a $900 piece-of-shit car and it's really not worth fixing. and i got a ticket, i don't know how much it's going to be for but i guess that negates all the secretary of state bullshit going on because now i can't GET the license with unrestricted hours. although if i'd had it already and they weren't being fucktarded it wouldn't've been revoked... so yeah, just bleh.
i'm crying so hard i can't even see, i have been since midnight, which was when it happened. i don't think i'll be sleeping tonight, really...
i'm just so mad at myself because it's all my fault for being so fucking STUPID. i just... gah. i can't BELIEVE i fucking did that. and all my parents are saying is "oh, it's just lucky no one was hurt" but it's not lucky, i deserved to get hurt, i wish i was fucking DEAD because i deserve that too.
i need to go to bed but i don't want to. for one thing i'm too freaked out and probably won't be able to sleep anyway, and for another, i don't want to have to wake up. ever. because waking up means remembering what happened and then having to deal with all the aftermath, and i think i'm too weak for that. or rather, i KNOW i'm too weak for that.
yeah. i totaled my car. and i was at fault.
stupid stupid stupid stupid STUPID. i was tired and not paying attention, and i went to turn onto my street without looking for opposing traffic, and i hit some guy on Glenlord. his car's banged up a bit but it's not so bad, i got it right on a front corner so it's mostly damaged appaearance-wise. my car, my baby... is fucked. entire front end is smashed in, there was oil and transmission fluid all over the road. maybe it would be fixable but it WAS a $900 piece-of-shit car and it's really not worth fixing. and i got a ticket, i don't know how much it's going to be for but i guess that negates all the secretary of state bullshit going on because now i can't GET the license with unrestricted hours. although if i'd had it already and they weren't being fucktarded it wouldn't've been revoked... so yeah, just bleh.
i'm crying so hard i can't even see, i have been since midnight, which was when it happened. i don't think i'll be sleeping tonight, really...
i'm just so mad at myself because it's all my fault for being so fucking STUPID. i just... gah. i can't BELIEVE i fucking did that. and all my parents are saying is "oh, it's just lucky no one was hurt" but it's not lucky, i deserved to get hurt, i wish i was fucking DEAD because i deserve that too.
i need to go to bed but i don't want to. for one thing i'm too freaked out and probably won't be able to sleep anyway, and for another, i don't want to have to wake up. ever. because waking up means remembering what happened and then having to deal with all the aftermath, and i think i'm too weak for that. or rather, i KNOW i'm too weak for that.
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no subject
Date: 2004-06-13 09:06 am (UTC)aww.. ::hugs::
:(