".....so fade away..."
Dec. 15th, 2004 04:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
numberoneblindHonestly, I really can't think of anything to say in here any more. I'm boring, life is boring, et cetera.
It's been a shitty year. I think I can pretty much say that I do not have a single friend left at my school. Even KateandSara don't wait for me after our Ethics class anymore. I get to school at 7:50 or later -- school starts at 7:55 -- because I have no one to hang out with before school starts. I mean, yeah, theoretically, there are people I COULD hang out with, but feeling alone when I am alone is far better than feeling alone when I'm in a group of "friends," and it's hard to find a place to escape people at my school. If I do get to school before then I just go to my first hour anyway and sit there in the empty classroom because I have nowhere else to go.
I'm just... fucking lonely. Without Tech, I would probably go basically the entire day without talking to anyone, and even then, Anna mostly ignores me for Bill and Dee mostly talks to the guys; Tim (who can't read this, heh, along with the other people on my friendslist who I don't want to hear stupid "OH THAT'S NOT TRUE I WUV YOU *HUUUUUG*" bullshit from, yeah, fuck that) I talk to but only because I think I pretty much just annoy him into it, otherwise he wouldn't notice me either.
I'm kind of having a party thing Saturday, a smallish one, during my parents' big party... Anna knows about it, and Dee, Lisa, if you read this, you guys are invited too, along with Hunter and Mike, I just never get to talk to them, or you guys either. And... part of me is looking forward to it, and part of me isn't, because whenever I have parties or go to parties inevitably I just wind up feeling horribly lonely, sitting in the corner while everyone else talks, and as usual, only getting noticed by virtue of being good at making loud annoying comments.
I need to stop doing that. I need to stop saying stupid shit (even if it's what I'm thinking) to get attention, because I don't DESERVE attention. I should just fade away. I get the feeling it wouldn't much matter anyway.
It's been a shitty year. I think I can pretty much say that I do not have a single friend left at my school. Even KateandSara don't wait for me after our Ethics class anymore. I get to school at 7:50 or later -- school starts at 7:55 -- because I have no one to hang out with before school starts. I mean, yeah, theoretically, there are people I COULD hang out with, but feeling alone when I am alone is far better than feeling alone when I'm in a group of "friends," and it's hard to find a place to escape people at my school. If I do get to school before then I just go to my first hour anyway and sit there in the empty classroom because I have nowhere else to go.
I'm just... fucking lonely. Without Tech, I would probably go basically the entire day without talking to anyone, and even then, Anna mostly ignores me for Bill and Dee mostly talks to the guys; Tim (who can't read this, heh, along with the other people on my friendslist who I don't want to hear stupid "OH THAT'S NOT TRUE I WUV YOU *HUUUUUG*" bullshit from, yeah, fuck that) I talk to but only because I think I pretty much just annoy him into it, otherwise he wouldn't notice me either.
I'm kind of having a party thing Saturday, a smallish one, during my parents' big party... Anna knows about it, and Dee, Lisa, if you read this, you guys are invited too, along with Hunter and Mike, I just never get to talk to them, or you guys either. And... part of me is looking forward to it, and part of me isn't, because whenever I have parties or go to parties inevitably I just wind up feeling horribly lonely, sitting in the corner while everyone else talks, and as usual, only getting noticed by virtue of being good at making loud annoying comments.
I need to stop doing that. I need to stop saying stupid shit (even if it's what I'm thinking) to get attention, because I don't DESERVE attention. I should just fade away. I get the feeling it wouldn't much matter anyway.
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