(no subject)

good news: because 5 of us were sitting in the light booth at 11 PM last night having not even gotten to start our projects, one of the people in our class called and negotiated with Lanny and got us an extension until Tuesday.

bad news: I am a dumbfuck and when I finally got ahold of the board at 1 AM to preview the programming I'd done on my laptop, I wound up sitting there fucking with it until 2:30 AM, despite having class at 8:30 AM the next day. stupid stupid stupid.

I really need to work on this whole sleep-deprivation thing, I think the dark circles under my eyes are going to gain independant life any day now.

I also am in dire need of doing laundry, which is a testament to how quickly the last few weeks have passed because I swear I just did it recently.

today is so very lovely and grey.

"put me somewhere I don't want to be/never want to see that place again..."

...today is a thinking day, and I'm starting to wish it weren't.

walking around taking pictures I felt balanced for the first time in a while. centered. just... walking along, and not even noticing the rain except when it got on my lens, and listening to music, and just feeling... right. and then some dumb insignificant thing happens and suddenly it's raining and the lyrics are like little knives and I don't know. it bothers me most because I felt so unstoppable and then... yeah. ugh, sorry. good at thinking, not so good at talking. so I won't try. you're not missing much, heh.

I want things to even out. I want to not just FEEL centered but be it too, seeing as obviously that feeling was mistaken today. so fucking much has changed lately and yet so much HASN'T, and I feel like some of the things that haven't changed are things that should've, and some of the things that have are things that shouldn't have.

I wish I could've at least gotten a really good picture today. one of the ones where you take it and you're just like... YES. none of those. just some decent ones. I haven't gotten one of those in a while, actually, and it kind of bothers me.



( nothing spectacular )

I basically have nothing to do tonight. I should find something, or I will go insaaaaane.


but i'd trade it all
for just a little
peace of mind...