(no subject)

so I kind of feel like a big lameass, but I am not going to the beach for DOGL. for several reasons.

A. I hate buses full of people, but I don't want to drive because I'm driving home tomorrow and that's just a lot of driving back and forth in a homewards direction. And I can't go home tonight because I need to go to the play.

B. May I reiterate? I hate buses full of loud people.

C. My friends only want to stay for a half-hour, which is not enough time to be worth an hour and a half of stupid fucking bus.

D. Honestly, the beach is not that exciting to me.

E. I have a book and knitting and am perfectly content with being here.

F. It's probably warmer here anyway.

i still feel dumb, now, though. like, ridiculously so. i'm doing what i want to do, what i'm comfortable with, what i'm in the mood for, but i'm getting more and more depressed because i feel like people are thinking i'm lame or boring or an asshole or avoiding them for it. i just sometimes am in the mood to take a day off and do nothing and NOT be fucked up, and just relax, but now i can't even do that because i'm so upset about what other people are probably thinking of it. mehhhhh.