(no subject)

ha ha ha ha fuck. this may be on the edge of turning into an actual nervous breakdown. i spent today crying intermittently too because evidently i am incompetent as a designer. so we have one half of my life that i enjoy but suck at, and the other half that i'm good at but fucked on.

seriously. i am hopeless. in every single way.

what i need is time to breathe and decompress but i'm too busy to. i will probably have to turn in my art homework late which of course makes me feel shitty, i pride myself on always getting everything done on time. it's a catch-22 because i'm too drained to keep moving and doing things when i don't actively, immediately have to, but stopping moving makes me think which is bad.

i can't stop because then i will disappoint even more people.

i already know i am a failure and disappointment. that doesn't mean i want other people making it clear to me too. or that i want to fail anyone. because that would make this even worse.


i am trapped and falling apart.