(no subject)

yeah fuck everything. they were pruning down the trainees - not by much, and i got cut, due to personality conflict with the trainer because i learn by asking lots of questions, so fucking sue me. a part of me is trying to gain satisfaction by the fact that the person they left in my place has no idea how to use the databases and will be about a billion times more useless than me, but it's a pretty fucking hollow victory seeing as i am the jobless one.

i interviewed today for a shitty grocery store job, which i will probably get. i should be happy that i kind of have a solution but i'm too busy being crushed and numb. i really was excited for this job. i found it interesting in a maybe-this-is-a-field-i-want-to-consider-going-into way, and now i'm out. and i really did try to cut back on the stuff that was pissing them off, but obviously i failed.

i want to curl up and die somewhere, basically. absolutely nothing is going right from me since i've been back in the states. i want to know where the hell i went wrong with my life. i did at least get to go out tonight but now i'm back alone with my brain and everything is awful again.

i don't know what to do. i don't know how to reverse this trend. i feel completely and utterly hopeless.

fuck.

(no subject)

I has new computer. shiny. helping a little, I guess... at least it's a distraction.

also people need to not make me feel like an asshole. random-phone-number-guy called... he called last weekend and I was drunk enough to tell him I'd be in town this weekend, but he's sort of awkward and it's all sort of awkward and he seems sort of boring and I'm not really feeling it. I told him I already had plans with Harley tonight (which is true) and he was just like "oh" and there was this long shitty pause... I couldn't legitimately make plans with him another night because I don't know yet how my weekend is shaping up. fgdjskaghfdsg. It made me feel like a bitch, which is aggravating, because I was honest with him and I am NOT going to blow off Harley for some dude.

gaaaahhh.