regressive
Sep. 18th, 2006 04:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
numberoneblindugh... not gonna lie, I'm not acting like it but today has been a kinda rough day thus far. not in that blatant oh-my-god-kill-me-now kind of way, but in a nagging lurking bleh kind of way.
it's just... my theater history class consists solely of that group of theater-y fellow sophomores who've never really liked or accepted me. and i've spent all summer feeling like I've changed, for the better.... but now i'm back here, and i'm in this class with these same people and they look at me no differently. and it makes me feel like i haven't changed, or like it doesn't matter if I have... i know it sounds dumb but i just want to be accepted, you know? and i guess a part of me secretly deep-down was hoping that new-Kelsey would be more well-liked than the old, but... that's not the case, and it feels so, so, so shitty.
i feel like the person i became over the summer is already disappearing.
if it were any colder i could disengage
if i were any older i could act my age
but i don't think that you'd believe me
it's not the way i'm meant to be
it's just... my theater history class consists solely of that group of theater-y fellow sophomores who've never really liked or accepted me. and i've spent all summer feeling like I've changed, for the better.... but now i'm back here, and i'm in this class with these same people and they look at me no differently. and it makes me feel like i haven't changed, or like it doesn't matter if I have... i know it sounds dumb but i just want to be accepted, you know? and i guess a part of me secretly deep-down was hoping that new-Kelsey would be more well-liked than the old, but... that's not the case, and it feels so, so, so shitty.
i feel like the person i became over the summer is already disappearing.
if it were any colder i could disengage
if i were any older i could act my age
but i don't think that you'd believe me
it's not the way i'm meant to be
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-09-19 02:59 am (UTC)i dont feel like i know anyone anymore... all my friends last year are abroad now. and i didnt really have any friends in my own class. meh
no subject
Date: 2006-09-21 06:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-19 04:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-21 06:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-19 08:45 pm (UTC)Some people will never see it.
Some people will.
Don't let other people make who you are though, it's a shitty way to live.
no subject
Date: 2006-09-21 06:45 pm (UTC)Changes I thought/hoped were permanent don't seem to have been...
But I don't want to be the person who I am without them.
no subject
Date: 2006-09-21 05:29 pm (UTC)If they can't see you for who you are then they are fucking worthless. They have no right to ever judge you or make you feel bad about yourself.
And if they do, I'll come up there and kill them with a spoon. It will be painful.
I love you kels. We all love you back home. And we matter, not a bunch of overdramatic college kids. *hugs*
no subject
Date: 2006-09-22 12:49 am (UTC)Though killing most of them with a spoon WOULD be most enjoyable.
Love you too, and miss you all... I'm almost regretting this school shit, haha.