(no subject)

[numberoneblind]

the last week has been utterly ridiculous in a manner that has drained me completely dry of any possible ounce of motivation. it also feels like it's lasted a fucking month, although part of that is admittedly due to the fact that I was some form of intoxicated from Friday night through Sunday afternoon.

still. yesterday was absolutely one of the longest, strangest, hardest days I have had in a long time, and right now I can barely fathom doing schoolwork. which is bad, since I have a paper to write, and I need to kick ass on it because I fall asleep in that class on a daily basis and so I think the professor kind of hates me.

it's only 3 pages, but it is probably going to be an all-nighter for the sole reason that I cannot concentrate enough to even pick a scene, let alone write about it.

feeling better now than I was earlier, at least. 5 hours at work helped; I enjoy midless labor far more than is probably healthy. I love lighting work but carpentry is even better for my sanity; just unloading wood today put me in a better mood. probably a bit silly but slinging around stacks of 12' 2x4's makes me feel strong, in an "I am ass-kicking wood-slinging woman, hear me roar" kind of way; it's like, if I can't be anything other than a wreck emotionally at least I can be tough in other ways...

...right?

....I know, pathetic.

Comments

[rei-0.livejournal.com]

*gives you a hug*

[numberoneblind.livejournal.com]

thanks...

[r-macduff.livejournal.com]

That's not pathetic. Work can be a way of getting your bad heavy stuff outside yourself, especially when it's mindless labor.

[numberoneblind.livejournal.com]

Especially because of how K is, I think. It's just nice to be able to do something and not analyse it, not consider it, just grab a fucking screwgun and build it or grab a fucking wrench and hang it, and afterwards have something nice and concrete and DONE sitting in front of you. Not just the endless cycle of contemplation.