numberoneblind | (no subject)

The last 21 years have fucked up our relationship to the point where I don't think I can be the daughter he wants me to be now, don't think I can have that relationship. He wants things to magically be different and they can't. He was saying how our relationship has always been very superficial (which is true) and how he knows he can't replace her, but he wants us to be closer... and I just laid there, and what I couldn't say because I'm too scared of him being mad at me or me hurting him is that I'm not comfortable telling him a lot of things. Too afraid he'll judge me, be mad at me, lecture me. But I can't tell him that those are my reasons without him enacting them. So I'm stuck.

I don't know. Being home is deteriorating now that it's just us and I'm not distracted.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

That's how the first six months were after my Dad died. I can't promise that it will get better, but sometimes you have to totally redefine how you interact with your remaining parent. I never even remotely liked my mom before my dad died and she was really abusive and terrible, but after a rough period she actually stepped up and began acting like a parent for the first time in my life, and now I love her very, very much.

I guess all I'm saying is that sometimes people can surprise you.

I feel like a kind of terrible person, because I think he is really making an effort to redefine how we interact. But there's part of me that's still really on-edge about trying to talk to him about anything deeper than politics, so I think the problem is me. A lot about him changed really really quickly, but I don't quite trust it, you know?