(no subject)

[numberoneblind]

thank fuck, we have heat again. Although now it's almost -too- warm, but better than the opposite, I suppose.

Got NO PAPER written today. But I did finish my photo project.

A preview (my favorite, to be honest):



Plus 8 more. I may upload them eventually if I get motivated.

Now to campus, for adventures in printing.

Unrelatedly: I am done waiting around hoping other people will help me feel happy. I let myself get spoiled and it did me no good whatsoever. Fuck it.
I can be fine knowing no one gives a damn... I can.

Comments

[bluestartattoo.livejournal.com]

The photo is beautiful.

[numberoneblind.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[tea-and-muffins.livejournal.com]

1. I love the photo.
2. If you rely on other people to make you happy, you will continue to get let down. You HAVE to find things that make you happy. And do those things. It's not a matter of the amount of love from other people, it's a matter of self-reliance. Someone can love you to pieces, but they're still human and will still hurt you at some point because of it. If your happiness is entirely wrapped up in how that person treats you, you end up crushed in the end. It's kind of shitty, but it's true.

[numberoneblind.livejournal.com]

2. I know, which is why I normally don't. I let myself get farther down that path than usual and I got fucked over.

Although finding things that make me happy is always fail. I haven't been legitimately, prolonged-ly happy in like... 7 years.

[tea-and-muffins.livejournal.com]

I know how you feel about the going down that path. I've been letting myself get too reliant on Mike's positivity towards me to give me a sense of self-worth. NOT GOOD.

So, what happened 7 years ago? What did you do before 7 years ago that made you happy then?

[numberoneblind.livejournal.com]

I don't know what changed then. I just know I've been pretty consistently depressed since, like, sophomore year of high school.

[tea-and-muffins.livejournal.com]

Well that's just crappy.
I'd try to figure out what changed. If you used to be happy and now you're not, it's only logical to go back to the way things were when you were happy, no?

[numberoneblind.livejournal.com]

I can't think of anything big that changed, though. At all. Brain chemicals? Who knows. It sucks though.

[tea-and-muffins.livejournal.com]

Actually, that's not entirely impossible. Hormones and chemicals change a lot in adolescence.

I think you said that you don't have great insurance, but have you tried any herbal stuff for depression? St. John's Wart works REALLY well for a lot of people.

[numberoneblind.livejournal.com]

I haven't really tried that. Worth a shot. My insurance probably would cover real meds if I wanted them, but I don't. Too scared of not being able to function at ALL without them, as opposed to functioning badly but on my own like I do now.

[tea-and-muffins.livejournal.com]

Fair enough.
I'd check out St. John's Wart first.
I'd also try to find some kind of herbal or health food store in the area. They might be a little more pricey, but you'll be able to find the better brands and organic kinds there. If you find a brand there that you want but don't want to shell out the cash for it, you can always check a website for cheaper prices. I like vitacost.com for stuff like that. Usually knocks at least 5 bucks off the shelf price.

[outlawferret.livejournal.com]

blargh. this past january we didn't have heat at our house for about two weeks. it was miserable and cold and i was going to kill jordan. luckily he then got us a new furnace.

[numberoneblind.livejournal.com]

oh god two weeks? I can't imagine. 24 hours was waaaay more than enough.

[hobo-al.livejournal.com]

Can I make this my facebook picture? =D

[numberoneblind.livejournal.com]

uhhhh, of course you can why is that even a question