it's 16 miles to the promised land/and i promise you i'm doing the best i can

[numberoneblind]

Sigh. Erranderranderrand. Need to get oil changed before I head up north. Shanty Creek this weekend. May or may not be weird/painful. Last year's trip up was the last big trip we made before she died; it even made it into one of those stupid poems I wrote for Creative Writing, this memory of flying up 131 with the sunroof open, listening to some band I liked and her pointing out where they'd stolen bits from music she grew up with, and smoking our last secret cigarettes before we met up with my father, and eating fat yellow plums and spitting pits out the window like they were cherries. Sunflower fields. Things like that. So.

Living alone is making me way more listless, and I should do the job-hunt thing, but it's sort of pointless right now. "Oh, hire me, except ohbythewayI'llbegonefortwoorthreeweeksinSeptember/Octoberokaybye." It might've worked to get the time off had any of the interviews I had back in May/June panned out (fuck you, Old Navy), because then I would've been established somewhere, but my father already booked the tickets et cetera for us to go abroad, and I wouldn't be able to take that time off as a new hire. Sort of makes me regret the trip, but we travel well together and it's unlikely I'll have the opportunity to go back over there myself anytime soon, so may as well go for it. So, blah blah unemployed bored bored running out of money, and I should at least volunteer or something to get myself out of my apartment, but it's hard to work up the motivation to do much of anything right now.

I'm not as down as any of this maybe sounds. I'm just existing too much. Need to be doing more instead.

Comments

[wonttalkforever.livejournal.com]

You never know about the time off thing. If they like you enough and you are upfront with them at the interview that you have plans made, I've seen it happen.

[numberoneblind.livejournal.com]

Meh. It just seems unlikely, given that I couldn't even get anyone to hire me back in May/June when I was like "I HAVE OPEN AVAILABILITY AND WILL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT PLEASE HIRE ME" (except, you know, more professionally than that haha). And nothin'. So I'm really really down on my job prospects, and I can't imagine anyone hiring me now that I have this big glaring vacation-thing when they wouldn't back when my schedule was wide open.

I guess I won't know until I try, but it's hard not to feel hopeless about the whole thing. :/

[outlawferret.livejournal.com]

going abroad sounds fun.

[numberoneblind.livejournal.com]

yeah, should be. We're going to London and then roadtripping around Ireland.

[r-macduff.livejournal.com]

If you want to get out of the house and volunteer, but don't want to do anything that requires a ridiculous amount of effort, go drop in on the Kzoo county animal shelter and ask if you can volunteer. I spent my senior winter "socializing" cats, i.e. snuggling and playing and getting my fuzzy fix. Every minute you play with them makes them easier to love, and while my friends and I were there we saw quite a lot of them go to good homes. The deaths are sad, but I thought helping along the adoptions was so lovely that it more than made up for all the grief.