nobody home

If I never get another email from these people asking me to take pictures of my mother's old band or send them pictures I have of her, it will be too soon.

Seriously. Fuck. Leave me alone.

Want to go back to bed now. Instead I get to dig through pictures.

This whole thing is making me wish I'd never picked up a camera. and that's saying a lot.

I HAVE INTERNET. OH HAPPY GLORIOUS DAY.

Except the Charter guy came two hours early (since he was in the neighborhood) just as I was getting out of the shower, and so that was a mildly undignified moment.

Having no internet yesterday was good, though, as it prompted me to go into a setting-up-my-house frenzy and now it is 95% done, although I still need to sort out the bookshelf and a few other minor things. I somehow found storage for everything without having the under-bed option yet. Debating now whether I want to raise my bed or not -- if I do mattress AND box spring AND put it on top of the window seat, it is really going to be entirely absurdly high. The goal with elevating it was A. storage and B. get it out of the way so it takes over the room less, but if it's the tallest thing in the room it will dominate it possibly even more than it does by protruding an extra foot. I think ultimately there's no way around the fact that this living space is sort of tiny. Welcome visitors, look at my bed. Please ignore this room and continue on to the kitchen.

Because the kitchen, on the other hand, is massive and glorious and I suspect once I get wireless set up I will be in it constantly. I'm going to put a few things on the walls, but generally there's something very un-cluttered and calming about it that I simply can't accomplish in the other room. There's also the fact that my kitchen stuff is much newer, and therefore the whole thing is a little more tasteful-looking than my living room. Dark wood and white cabinets and fall-colored things, rather than green and gold and pink and black and shitty futon and stuffed octopi and tons of different patterns. It's sort of like half my apartment was furnished by a grown woman with good taste and half was furnished by a 16-year-old. There may be an inkling of truth to this statement.


...That is a lot of babbling, so in conclusion, if you are reading this, you should come to my new apartment and I will feed you wine and/or cook you dinner in my pretty kitchen. The end.

BOXES. ALL I WANT ARE BOXES. WHY IS THIS SO HARD.

I JUST WANT TO BE. DONE. WITH. THIS. MOVE.

FUCK.

I thought I would be able to start moving sooner, but I guess I can't until this weekend, at the earliest. I feel so static. And isolated, which is frustrating, and not what I'd wanted from this town. I'm so bad at seeking people out, no matter how much I need human interaction.

Of course, that thing happened where everything in my new place is a little smaller than it was in my head, a little differently configured, so I need to figure out yet again what furniture I need. My day has been dominated by thinking about furniture, in a way that is wholly depressing and exhausting.

...I'm going to miss my free Strutt serenades. Even when the bands suck, like tonight.

I am done letting my loneliness make a fool out of me.

hah, update fail

lease signed on studio apartment with GIANT EPIC KITCHEN, job-hunting = fail so far, need to be done with school augh augh augh.

so sick of all of this.

kelley visited over the weekend, which is cool. i should write about that more at some point, because i'm pretty sure she thinks i'm a cunt right now for saying nothing positive about it on twitter (i.e. the only thing i can be bothered to update these days), which is really upsetting because it's true but really i'm just too stressed. it was lovely to see her but the timing was bad.

i need a hug so much that it is borderline physically painful.

i graduate june 14.

Funny.

For months now I've been increasingly freaked-out about post-grad, but so stressed by other things that I told myself I didn't have time to deal with it -- that I'd handle it once school stuff calmed down.

Turns out that just doing it is the best choice I could've ever made.

Talking to CCD tomorrow about resume things and taking classes at Western next year to round out my degree/make sure I make the right choice for grad school; viewing about 8 apartments this week. And even with everything else that's being added onto, somehow I feel.... lighter. Because something is being decided, something is being done.

Surprising. But good.

Today I am 22 years old.
Today is the first day of my last term at K College.
Today marks exactly six months since my mother's death.

All in all, not sure how I feel about today.

Laptop has been sent off for fixing of random fan death, nonfunctional speakers. Borrowing one from my father, meanwhile, although Windows, bleeeh, I've gotten spoiled.

Being way lazier than I should be. I know it's spring break, but I need to get shit done....