(no subject)

so Hell Week is coming along nicely. not as bad as last year, I've only gotten home after 10 once... I'm glad to be running lights, anyway, it seems like the backstage is pure chaos which I don't particularly feel like dealing with... I have MEAP testing this week (which I'm bombing, HOORAY! bleh...) and a paper due and other general stress. kind of had mini-breakdown after first hour yesterday when Kate essentially told me that said paper was crap. mehhhh... and no time to rewrite it, and my creative writing teacher said it was fine, but now I'm worried about THAT...


last night I stayed up until far later than I'd wanted to, on the premise of working on said paper, but really dealing with... stuff. meh. I'm not going to go into it, but yeah, I... well... I'm still worried, anyway. I HATE when people I care about are that depressed, and there was nothing I could do, but I didn't want to just leave, only I had to eventually, it was 11:30 and my father was screaming...


and I don't know how I am today. I'm not depressed, but I'm certainly not okay... oh, I don't know. I seem to have lost contact with my brain. just... SO emotionally drained at this point. and still worried about... stuff. it's not really major, I guess, the worry, I mean, it's just this constant little hum going in the back of my mind, and it's so hard to ignore... so really I'm just completely unable to concentrate on anything. which was kind of bad during the writing sections on my MEAP today, but yeah. the things I'm worried about are far more important, but it just... blah, I don't know. it's all too goddamn complicated.

(no subject)

I actually got home from school before it was dark out. Wow. Amazing. Nice out, too, with storm clouds and such, which is of course my definition of nice... And I bought more hairdye. Red, purple, blue... hooray.


I'm feeling a little less numb than earlier (having to run lights for 2 hours kind of woke me up, because of the whole needing-to-think thing) but really I don't know if that's good or not. Because now the detachment is gone but the worry isn't since there's no reason for me to have stopped worrying, yet, and meh. I don't know. yeah. stuff. and fuck this stupid goddamn phone phobia.


I guess I should work on my paper now, if I can get my brain to shut the hell up...